I am very happy to meet you. I am Frida, a dog. You are a human? That's terrific, I love you immediately.
Life is good. I am content. I--
What was that? That sound. I heard a sound. Did you hear a sound? Jeez, humans are NOT good at guarding their dens. What would you do without me?
I still love you a ton, but it would be great if you didn't move around so much when I'm trying to lay on your butt. It's fine, I can get readjusted, but if you could just maybe lay still until I decide to get up, it would be appreciat--
There! That sound! I think it's coming from Outside. Let's bark at it together, so they know that this is OUR den and we will F their S up if they try to come over here.
Why aren't you barking? This is serious. We could be being invaded RIGHT NOW, and you're just sitting there watching TV.
TV is great. I like watching the small humans move around. Sometimes there are flashing lights and pictures of Outside. That reminds me, I would like to go Outside. Nothing serious, just Poops and Pees. Bring a bag, and maybe something to occupy yourself. This could take awhile. I know you'd rather--
Holy crap, a dog! Right there! On the TV! It's HERE, in our DEN! Let's take it down! Come on!
What do you mean, "It's a cartoon?" What is cartoon? I don't think you're treating this with the gravity it clearly deserves.
Once again, I have to do all the work of defending our den. Let me help you out. Here's what we'll do: I'll jump up and down and bark at it, you sneak around back and take it down with a bite to the throat.
Why aren't you moving? That dog is going to--
Oh, it's gone. Mission accomplished, I guess. What were we saying?
Right. Outside. Let's get a move on.
Maybe we could have dinner? Also, I wouldn't object to pets. Not on the head, you know I hate that. It's a dog thing, don't take it personally. Do NOT touch my ears, or I will F your S up, sir. Yeah, right there, that's the spot.
Why did you stop? We were having such a good time, petting me. Keep going.
I love you SO FREAKING MUCH, by the way. But you already knew that.
Anyway, I've only gotten sixteen hours of sleep today, so I'm gonna call it a night. Love you!